I’m a slow processer. Always have been. So, I’m not great at anything that needs a quick reaction, but once I finally get something, it normally sticks. I’ve been processing some things lately that have needed a significant amount of time. They seem simple on the surface, but I’m finding that they affect everything. One of those things is growth. We recently sat down with our staff and talked about how we want to get better at creating an expectation of growth in our church community. We want growth to be a cornerstone of our culture…one of those things that oozes out of us at every level. We want there to be grace for everyone to grow at their own pace but a knowing that there is an accountability to grow. I know that means hard conversations. It means venturing into the uncomfortable, and it means more intentionality. Honestly, I’d rather mind my own business and stay safe at home, but anyone that’s read the Bible knows that is not what a believer signs up for. We commit our lives to a Savior that loves us how we are but too much to leave us how we are.
I recently talked with a dear friend that shared a simple thought with me. It stuck and I’ve been processing it ever since. Often, when we have hard conversations, we have a tendency to say: “We had a confrontation, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 I still love them.” “We disagree, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 we’re still friends.” What if we switch the “buts” for “ands?” We disagree 𝑎𝑛𝑑 we love each other. We had a confrontation 𝑎𝑛𝑑 we’re friends. The “but” sounds more like a resignation. It diminishes the confrontation and the uncomfortable…something we wish wasn’t there. Something that tries to stand in opposition to love and relationship. But what if God is the instigator of those uncomfortable moments because that’s where growth is. What if what needed accomplished couldn’t have happened without them? What if being in the middle of what God is doing means often being in the lane of the uncomfortable? What if love is tested and amplified the most because of it? The “ands” fortify. The “ands” grow us. The “ands” remind us that in a messy world we can be both messy 𝑎𝑛𝑑 loved.
Sometimes conflict is the actual avenue to growth. I think it might even be one of the Holy Spirit’s favorite training grounds. He’s into redeeming the difficult. These days, I’m trying to catch the nagging anxiety that rises in the face of conflict and see it as an opportunity. I’m trying to see it as less of an interruption and more of an opportunity. It’s hard. Our tendency is to hide and to cover, just like it was Adam and Eve’s in the garden. I’m learning to quickly take the anxious thoughts to the feet of Jesus and let Him work…to let Him grow. I’m learning the hard truth that if I stand in the way of confrontation and hard conversations, I may actually be standing in God’s way. I may be undermining the very growth He’s after…in me and others.
I’m trying to embrace this paradigm and challenge the feelings that confrontation stirs. I’m trying to sit with the discomfort and ask the Holy Spirit what its roots are. Is it rejection? Is it fear? Is it pride? Is it offense? Why do I so dislike the feeling? Why do I try so to avoid it? How can I grow in this? How does the Holy Spirit want me to see it? These questions are uncovering some deep roots but bringing them into the light is liberating. Growth normally has to be uncomfortable before we see the benefits. It doesn’t have to be exclusively one or the other. It can be both uncomfortable 𝑎𝑛𝑑 liberating…hard 𝑎𝑛𝑑 an act of love…difficult 𝑎𝑛𝑑 unifying. Right there in the middle of messy living, God can use the mess to grow us and expand our ability to receive. I’m thankful that He can so lovingly pick us up off of our stubborn 𝑏𝑢𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 grow us into who He wants us to be.