I am currently having to make some decisions about my health that I really don’t want to make. I now have to work harder to find the peace and joy that I’d previously found in the middle of this trouble. I’m getting closer to my deadlines for those decisions and I’m struggling to hear the Holy Spirit. More than ever in my life, I really don’t want to hear from anyone but Him. His are the words of life. He’s talking to me about other things, but I just can’t seem to hear anything in regards to direction. I’m not sure if my emotions are too loud or if I don’t have the ears to hear because I’m afraid of the answer. The only thing I hear consistently is “Position yourself at my feet.” It’s hard to stay there and make these decisions, but He’s teaching me how. He’s teaching me how to find joy in the middle of trouble. I know that trouble will never completely go away in this world. Once this obstacle is overcome, there will be another. Of that much I’m sure. That is the way of life on this soil. But…there is a joy we can experience in the middle. I’m pursuing it and I feel it pursuing me.
I told the Lord a few days ago that I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. He whispered to my heart: “The cleft of the rock is a good place to be.” God put Moses in the cleft of the rock because he asked to see His glory. God said that no one could see His face and live, but God hid him in that hard place so that His glory could pass by. Moses’ glimpse of God was a fading glory. But now “we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). We have a greater blessing promised to us. The veil has been torn and we now get to meet face-to-face with God. This face-to-face tells of an intimacy and nearness that are extended to each of us. We get to be that close.
In the Bible, being that near to God is connected to His joy. We lose much of the connection in our translations, but it’s there. Psalm 16:11 tells us that “In Your presence is fullness of joy.” The original language translates a preceding verse as: “I have set the Lord always in front of me – before my face” (Psalm 16:8). When God’s face is on us, and it always is, His joy shines on us. He is always happy to see us. There is joy in His eyes when He looks on us, and He’s always looking on us. Get that deep down in your soul. Our tanks need joy like our lungs need air. He is offering it in every moment of our lives. In the light of such joy, how can we not be joyful? How can we not turn our face toward Him…the author, the finisher, the beginning, the end, the promise, the hope…the joy of our lives?
We went to the beach with the girls a couple of days ago. The Jacksonville Beach is not like the clear waters of Siesta Key that I wrote about a few weeks ago. You cannot see the bottom in our water. That day the ocean had formed a shallow plateau about five yards out from the shore. We had to cross a deeper section of water before ascending onto the higher plain. The plain was the ideal place to be, but crossing the unknown was the price. As I was walking through the deep, looking for drops and ledges, I was reminded of my looming decisions. I was a little anxious with each step. I didn’t know if I was about to plunge into the water or awkwardly climb out. It wasn’t lost on me that my current state of mind is in the same predicament. The decisions I have to make are life-changing. I don’t know where I’ll land with each new step.
All I know for absolute certainty is that His eyes are on me. I will make my plans but He will direct my steps. One step at a time, He is leading the way. I trust Him. He’s never promised that there won’t be a drop. He has never said how long it will take to get to our plateaus. But He has promised peace in the journey. He has promised to guide our steps. I lean into that today. I put the other thoughts out of my mind and focus on His face. The joy set before me.