Where to start? How does one put into words things that have not yet been coined? How does a person flip their heart inside out and describe what is being revealed when they don’t quite understand the inner workings themselves? How can a man or woman explain the mind of God, the magnitude of His creation, or the orchestration of His plans? No one can. I sure can’t.
What does a person do when they are undone? What do you say when you’ve been stripped and laid bare in ways you’ve never known, but found you’re in the presence of One too kind and loving to even provoke a cover up? What do you do when you’ve witnessed the undeniable hand of God move on your behalf and also the cold, hard ground of rock bottom? When you’ve watched both the speed and crawl of God’s timing come for you?
You stand in awe of God lest you speak incorrectly of things you do not understand. You stand in awe because He is sovereign, kind, and loving. You stand in awe because the hard ground you’ve found yourself standing on is holy. You stand in awe because He never left. You stand because you have the ability to. You have the energy to. You have the mind to.
The quick road to surgery for both Chris and me was nothing short of miraculous. Every step felt so holy and ordained. The speed felt essential…Recovery felt hard and slow. Still does.
But I stand here more in love with my Savior than I’ve ever been. More dependent than I ever knew to be. Aware of more than I’ve ever been aware. More grateful for things I didn’t realize I wasn’t. Grieved by things that I once took for granted. Dreaming dreams I hadn’t thought to dream.
If this is the way to more of God, I will go again and again. Until I am less and He is more. But please Lord, let it not mean more surgeries. 😉