Since I have a paralyzed vocal cord, the gap in my throat is larger than it should be. It never closes properly. Due to that, I choke very easily. I have to take small sips of anything I drink, or it will quite literally go down the wrong pipe. If that happens, it feels like I’m dying, and everyone around me thinks I’m dying too. All of that normally isn’t a problem unless I’m really thirsty. Have you ever tried to take small, slow drinks when you just finished a mile on the treadmill at a decent incline? Have you ever tried to take sips of orange juice? For some strange reason, it is a near impossible task. My husband has been primed to take me to the ER over orange juice more than once.
I’ve been thinking about what it means to thirst. Jesus had a conversation with a woman drawing water at a well. He told her, “whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:13-14). My encounter with Jesus has promised to provide everything I need to satisfy my thirst. So, here’s my question for myself: Do I still thirst, or do I well up?
It’s not a foreign concept to give God my thirst when I’m listening to my favorite song about Him or when I easily see His blessings in my life. In those moments I can position myself and soak in the fulfillment of a satisfied thirst. But do I still thirst in the moments in between? Do I take that satisfaction with me wherever I go? Can I say I thirst no more when I’m in the car line, sitting at my desk, or dealing with the difficult people in my life? In the moments in between my designated “devotion time” do I thirst for things He’s already satisfied? Do I thirst for attention when He’s already given it to me? Do I thirst for the future when He’s promised me the present? Do I thirst for justification when He’s already said He’ll take care of it? Do I thirst for revival when He’s already started it in me? Do I still thirst for healing when He’s present to be that? In the present, am I allowing Him to satisfy every thirst?
Here’s the thing, God wants us to dream. He wants us to plan. He wants us to do everything He’s purposed, but are we feasting on what He’s prepared for us right now and trusting Him to take care of the rest? Can we honestly say that we are satisfied in this moment? Can I say that if this is all God ever did for me…it would be enough. That He is enough. I’ve been digging even deeper and meditating on this during my times alone with Him. Asking myself if I’m more set on talking to Him about the future or being with Him in the present? I’m not saying we shouldn’t do that. He wants to hear our requests, but then do I shift and let Him be what I need? And then I’ve been challenging my heart in the moments in between. What are my motivations? Catching myself in times when my cup seems empty and asking why.
Do I drink so deeply of Him that there is no room for thirst? Or am I only sipping? Anything He wants to give me or do in me is available in this moment. Am I drinking deeply of it? Every day? Am I allowing Him to satisfy my thirst and then bubble out of me like a spring? Have I learned to close the doors to everything else that calls and put my focus on Him? Have I learned how to take the random, nagging thoughts captive and set my mind on Him? Have I learned to take the things that hurt in me, the things that desperately long, and place them firmly at His feet? I know these are abstract thoughts, but I think the prize goes to those that learn to make them concrete in their lives. Have I done that?
Have I taken time this morning to fling the doors wide open inside of me and let Him walk fully in…overturning what needs to go and soothing what needs His tender mercy? Have I let Him make Himself at home inside my pain; allowing Him to hold what aches? Have I given Him the time to spit in the soil of my heart and restore sight to my blinded eyes? Have I let Him near enough to use His pruning shears? Have I basked in His Word long enough today that I’ve given the space for Him to whisper truth over me so that lies are more and more foreign to my hearing? Do I give Him my dreams, not just to fulfill, but do I sit with Him in the waiting…allowing the shifting and sifting and the being still?
He can only satisfy me if I allow Him to. And just saying so isn’t enough. If we say we don’t want to thirst anymore but don’t do what’s necessary, we are double minded and that man is “unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8). It’s no wonder…he isn’t satisfied. He’s thirsty. Sips will never do for a thirst like this.