A couple of months ago I was on the back porch looking at my dying palm tree. The beautiful tree took a wrong turn while we were recovering from our surgeries. I told the Lord that I felt like that tree. So much seemed like it was dying in me. Then I felt the Spirit stir with the hope that I’d see a healthy tree there again as I too would be restored. Chris asked what God had just told me because He’d been stirred too. As I sat there, my prayer was: let whatever needs to die in me fall off.
James encourages us to “Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:4). One of the definitions for mature in that verse means able to apprehend divine things. God spoke to my heart about six years ago and said He was about to do that in my life; make me able to apprehend divine things. At the time I was excited. I sensed that I was about to go into a difficult season, but I had no idea how difficult it would be. So far, my forties have been one difficulty after another, each rivaling in intensity the one before. Six years ago was when my eye first started flaring. Little did I know that I had a tumor growing in my body even then. The tumor produced a hormone that caused the inflammation. God gave me the promise before I even knew I needed it. He was already working.
An important aspect of that Scripture has only just come to my attention. It’s perseverance or patience that must have its work. I heard Michael Todd say, “There are promises where the only form of payment is patience.” I knew that to be deeply true. This long season has required a lot of it. I’ve been looking at patience in a new light these days. My aim is a hefty payment to place at the Lord’s feet when it’s time to exchange it for the promise.
I know how hard life can be. I know how unfair it can feel. Life has not always been kind to me, but I have an undying hope. My hope is from God. It is a miracle, because life has made me a realist on most accounts. I started my life in dysfunction and abuse, and I spent my early years dealing with the effects of it. With the mighty hand of God, I climbed out of a pit of depression. I fought to hone talents that didn’t come easily. Then I watched the enemy try to take my church, my children, my marriage, my health, and my voice. I know this truth in the very depths of my being: the enemy does not get the final word.
God has been giving me this hope like a constant trail of breadcrumbs leading to the coming promise. God’s word has given me a place to stand, a stability that is not my own. At my lowest points, and I’ve had quite a few, God’s word has been my strength, my encouragement, and my delight. I will spend my life to make sure that everything in my stewardship lines up with His words: my heart, my mind, my children, my marriage, my ministry, my body. When He says: “If you love me, you’ll obey my commands,” I will give my all to obey them all. If He says that patience will produce a complete work, I will believe Him.
One day, I will stand before Jesus’ and lay down my life and only He and I will know what it cost me to be an overcomer. I am determined to stand before Him and say I persevered. I multiplied it all…for You. Not because you are a hard dictator, but because you’re not. Because I refused to believe false allegations about you. Because I knew You.