I’ve been asking myself a question lately. What do I want more than anything in this life? If I could have just one thing, what would it be? See, I’ve had the great honor of being lavished in blessings. I know it. I recognize it daily. God blows me away every time He answers one of my requests. Many many years ago, it ceased being about the answers for me and more about the sweet sweet display of our interaction…the fact that He doesn’t have to but He does. He knows more than any other that I would still love Him if His answer was no. So, what’s the one thing I still want? More than I could describe on this keyboard, I desperately want more of God. I have tasted and I have seen that nothing compares to Him. Every pleasure this world affords is fleeting and small in light of Him. The more I know Him, the more I want to know. He is the love of my life, will always be. But I think there is something I want even more. It’s the thing that keeps me up at night. It’s the one prayer that comes up daily. It is the thought before I do just one more task when I’m tired. It’s why I try so hard. The reason I love people that aren’t very lovable. I want to please Him. Deep down. In the parts of me that long and feel and desire. In the parts of me that are only strengthened by age, that time only further develop. I want to be a pleasure to the One that has given me more than any person deserves. The God whose love is more beautiful than any language I could use to describe it…than any landscape this earth holds. The God whose mercy is newer than the perfect feet of a newborn baby. The God whose grace is more calming than a well-trained musician, rain on tin, the waves on the shore, or a gentle wind in the leaves. The greatest desire of my life is to please Him, not because I have to, but because He deserves it. I want to please the One who has so pleased me. It’s my simple devotion. I remind myself daily why I do whatever I’m doing lest it ever become religion.
Leviticus 26 talks of a people whose harvest overtakes their sowing. It speaks of a people that are freed from their bondage enabled to walk with their heads held high. I have treasured that verse since I was a child. It has been my prayer and my goal. I want to be that people.
I read it again this morning and verse 13 described perfectly what I feel happening in my life right now. It was something I’ve mediated on for years but it took on a whole new meaning in the early hours of this day. “You will still be eating last year’s harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new.” I always imagined this would be a wholly welcomed experience but, see; I already have a good life. God has blessed me beyond what I could have ever asked. I’ve been freed from my bondage and enabled to walk with my head high. I have known a great harvest and thoroughly loved this season of life but God is calling me higher. There is more. I feel it. I hear it and I even long for it in the depths of my soul, but letting go has proven difficult every time I’m required. Surprisingly, this time is no different. This season of my life has been an answered prayer in more ways than there is to time to type. I’ve been living the dream, but God has a new dream for me. I know it. I can’t deny it any more. I can’t push it back. To stay here would be to feast at a table of goodness when one of greatness is waiting for me to sit and dine.
Every once in a while I get glimpses of this new thing. It’s both exciting and unnerving. It’s like a song in the making: a little fractured, a little undone, and not yet a complete melody. I can hear it in my head. I can even feel its message in my heart but I can’t yet sing it for you. The unknown is always unsettling. I find myself a little restless, a little anxious, and a lot reflective. I’ve never been there before. I’ve only ever known this degree of glory. The next is unexperienced and untested by me. I also know that every harvest requires calloused hands and back breaking effort. Those that work their own ground don’t know the pampering of prepackaged ease or the money back guarantee that it would be what they expected. In the Kingdom, we rarely get to choose what the harvest looks like, but I know deep down it’s always worth the reaping.
I don’t understand exactly what all that means and how it will translate into my daily life, but I know this: where my God goes, I will follow. I’m ready for the new harvest because God is there. He is the One that broke me out of bondage. He is the One that enables me to walk with my head held high. I will move out what needs moved. I will make room because I am in passionate pursuit of the God of the harvest.